My cousin’s suicide

I wake up to a phone call from my mom telling me news I never wanted to hear. My cousin who is only 22 years ago, had committed suicide this morning. I just don’t understand he is happy he had no signs of needing help. He had to be hiding what was going on in his head good. I don’t understand why he didn’t reach out to me he knows I deal with suicidal thoughts all the time. Right now I just don’t know what to do or how how to feel. I don’t think it really has sunk in that he is gone.