Here it is 3:30 am. I’m sitting here in my bedroom wondering if I am ever going to make a positive change in my life. Make things good for me. That was my new years resolution, do positive things and try to stay sober. Well I already fucked that up. I’m on my second night up from using meth. I need to go to sleep today. I’m so exhausted. I had a really bad day Monday. I was told that a case manager I have worked with for 4 years didn’t want to work with me anymore, she believed she wasn’t helping me like she should be. I really got upset and then later that night I was suicidal and really thought I was going to do something I would regret later, so I just new that I wanted to get high. I really use when I want to numb everything so I don’t feel any emotions at all. Now that I am coming down off my high, I’m starting to feel all those fucking emotions I wanted to numb in the first place. I just really don’t know what to do anymore or what I want. I keep telling myself that I want to quit and I will start working on stuff that would help me do that, but then something happens and I use again. I feel it just a cycle that I’m going to repeat day after day. Have a good Wednesday…
Heather
~thebpdgirl39~ 