Starting taken my Vivitrol over the weekend…

On Friday my nurse that gives me my medicine worked very hard to get me so I could start the Vivitrol Friday. The last couple of weeks I have been so hopeful to get started on the Vivitrol pills. I have been so desperate to find something that would replace my meth use and help me quite for good.

When I ended up getting home on Friday I took the Vivitrol and then feel asleep. I ended up walking up with a really bad stomach ach. So then Saturday I decided that I wasn’t going to take it until bed time. All day Saturday I struggled really bad with wanting to use. Later Saturday night a friend of mine stopped by, she also uses meth. For a while we just chilled talking about her boyfriend. I really should of never answered my door. She then pulled out her drugs and asked if I wanted to get high. Seeing all those drugs on the table really didn’t help at all. I wanted to get high so bad. I wanted to feel NUMB all over. I ended up giving up on all the hard work that I have done the past couple of weeks at staying clean. I have been using the past 2 days.

I’m so disappointed in myself. I also just fucked up me taking Vivitrol anymore. How could I be so fucking stupid and fuck up everything again.

I’m never going have any luck at all trying to stay away from the meth use. It’s even harder to stay away from it because deep down I really don’t want to quit.

Heather

12 thoughts on “Starting taken my Vivitrol over the weekend…

  1. Is there someone to reach out to, who isn’t doing anything that will harm you? If so, do so. We all slip up. It’s in how we get back up. Choose to not open the door to people like that again. Open up to help. It feels easier to give in, but it’s the easy way out into a hard path. You’re brave for talking about it here. You can do this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My experience with drug addiction is that you have to get to a point where the pain of uses becomes greater than the joy of using. Perhaps you haven’t been through enough pain to get to that point yet. Everybody’s “rock bottom” is different. Some people have a really high threshold to pain. Other’s get clean without having the experience of being completely down-and-out.
    Vistoral was designed to be an opioid antagonist. Meaning: it was supposed to occupy the opioid receptors in your brain that normally are meant for picking up the pleasure producing chemical causing you to feel a sense of euphoria. And it does it well. I tried shooting heroin many times after I was given the monthly intramuscular injection, but to no avail. I didn’t feel anything! Just wasted a bunch of money. Vivitrol has also lately been prescribed for other types of addictions like alcohol and amphetamine dependence, but it isn’t nearly as effective. It actually only takes a slight edge off from the cravings due to how it works occupying opioid receptors. It will block heroin completely because it is an opiate, but even though substances such as alcohol and amphetamines produce a type of opioid when digested by the liver, unfortunately that is not the only addictive chemical those drugs produce. . .
    Amphetamine addiction is tough. Like I said, you will most likely have to get to state of complete dispair before wanting to quit for good.
    Good luck on your journey, and keep blogging. It is a really healthy way of venting your problems. You are very good at it too.
    Alex Moore

    Liked by 1 person

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