On Friday my nurse that gives me my medicine worked very hard to get me so I could start the Vivitrol Friday. The last couple of weeks I have been so hopeful to get started on the Vivitrol pills. I have been so desperate to find something that would replace my meth use and help me quite for good.
When I ended up getting home on Friday I took the Vivitrol and then feel asleep. I ended up walking up with a really bad stomach ach. So then Saturday I decided that I wasn’t going to take it until bed time. All day Saturday I struggled really bad with wanting to use. Later Saturday night a friend of mine stopped by, she also uses meth. For a while we just chilled talking about her boyfriend. I really should of never answered my door. She then pulled out her drugs and asked if I wanted to get high. Seeing all those drugs on the table really didn’t help at all. I wanted to get high so bad. I wanted to feel NUMB all over. I ended up giving up on all the hard work that I have done the past couple of weeks at staying clean. I have been using the past 2 days.
I’m so disappointed in myself. I also just fucked up me taking Vivitrol anymore. How could I be so fucking stupid and fuck up everything again.
I’m never going have any luck at all trying to stay away from the meth use. It’s even harder to stay away from it because deep down I really don’t want to quit.