Okay so Tuesday I had an appointment with my nurse practitioner who gives me my psycho meds…we have a new plan to hopefully help me with quitting my drug use…I’m going to get to try Vivitrol pills first then switch to the shot from… Vivitrol is supposed to help me with my cravings and other stuff…you can’t use drugs why you’re taking it either…it can cause you to have a heart attack and make you sick also….

I know that I can’t rely fully on the drug to stop me from using…I have to do some work to…I’m hoping so much that this helps me to quit using meth….I have tried for so many years to stop before but I could never stop…

Wish me luck and I could use all the support I can get in this new journey I’m about to begin…

Missing a Monster

2 years ago today, I lost my best friend and a monster in my life.

He just went to go get him some drugs and after he picked it up and was driving around with a friend they ended up getting pulled over. He didn’t want to end up going to jail so he ended up eating the 5 g of meth he had on him. Sad to say it ended up killing him that day. I think of him every single day.

Today has been a really hard day for me. I really can’t believe how I have made it through this day at all. I’ve been wanting to take a whole bunch of pills that I have had in front of me all day. I just now flushed those down my toilet. I have decided that I don’t want to do that and I cooked dinner and getting ready for a visit with my mom tomorrow.


February 2021 Goals

I decided to come up with some goals that I want to work on…

1. Learn to accept the way I am. 2. Need to feel and express my feelings effectively. 3. Learn how to use my spare time more better. 4. Want to feel more comfortable with my body. 5. Learn how to handle being alone better. 6. Learn to be more assertive with others and set boundaries. 7. Stop a drug I’m addicted to. 8. Learn to live in difficult situations with out using drugs. 9. Learn to handle my anxiety and stress a lot better. 10. Try and complete these goals by the end of the summer july-2021.

I can do this!!!!


Wanting to try a medicine that would help me stop using my favorite drug…

So for the past month I have been talking with a few people in my treatment team…they were wanting me to try Adderall in place of the use of meth… Now it’s Vyvanse… from what I have read and people telling me it has the same affect as meth and can make me feel the same way maybe…I’m willing to try it out but first I have to pass a drug test and make sure that all the meth is out of my system…as soon as I get clean I will be trying it…is there any one who is taking Vyvanse that can tell me how you feel about it?

Letting go

At some point, you just have to let go and move on. It might be the hardest thing in the the would to do, but you have to summon all of the strength you possibly can to finally let go. Some people and things just aren’t going to be meant for you, no matter how much you hoped they would…But know that it’s ok for things to not work out. Nobody’s life is a straight line that makes perfect sense. Everybody has twists and turns, and everyone has to turn around every now and then. So when you find yourself wishing and hoping things out of control would change, summon all your strength to let go and start heading back in a new direction because it’ll lead you closer to your true path.


February 16th

Be open to change. Be open to allowing yourself to blossom. That is the first step. Be gentle with your journey. No one changes over night, no one is perfect. It will be a struggle but you can do it. Speak kindly to yourself. Look in the mirror and say nice things even if it is hard and believe it. Learn to have compassion for yourself and for mistakes. Everyone makes them. Ask for what you really want and don’t be afraid to believe that you are worthy of it. You are so worthy. Don’t be afraid to love yourself completely even when you fuck up every single day.