Really struggling and about to just give up…

I’m just really struggling with everything right now and I’m really tired and don’t want to deal with it anymore…I think I need to take my meds and try to get some sleep for a bit…if that doesn’t work by later today I think I need to go back to the inpatient unit and get more help…or something because nothing else is working… I’m not sure if I ever mentioned that I hear voices…they are really bad right now and I can’t get them to shut the fuck up…all they say is I am a worthless piece of shit and deserve to die…

Chat with my son…

So tonight I got to chat with my son (texting)… right now he is at college…I asked him what he had planned for tonight…he answered me and said he was going to be at a friend’s house and they were going to be smoking weed and drinking hard liquor…my son is only 20 he will be 21 in March… now I’m really worried about him and I have no idea what to say to him…he told me to trust him and he would be okay… anyone have any ideas on what I can say to him or just leave him alone…

got to start over again…

Got to start tomorrow a new day…I new I would fuck up again…I ended up relapsing on meth and getting really drunk…then ended up in impatient unit for a week…I knew that since I was doing good…it wouldn’t last long…

Everyone is telling me just start tomorrow over again and don’t give up…I will try it again tomorrow…

One year old

I was just sitting here thinking about things…I realized that it was a year ago in August that I was last in the the inpatient unit where I live… guess I am doing better than I thought…in 2019 I was in there a lot… guess I should be proud…

Today I finally got my license plates and switched the car from my mom to me…I was supposed to have it done a couple months ago… that took a lot of stress off shoulder… hope you all have a good night…

Today I’m 21 days sober

To be honest I really didn’t think I was going to make it this far with out fucking up and getting high… I have always needed to be high part of my life…to numb everything so I couldn’t feel anything…that was mostly part of the reason I got high…I couldn’t feel a thing until I started to crash… then it was time to start all over again…

I’m just waiting for the ball to drop and something happen that gives me the reason to get high again…I always fuck up…but I will say I never made it this long…so I should be happy about that…